sydney's sidewalk drawing...elijah, sydney, daddy, mommy, kezia

Friday, December 24, 2010

Comforted - No Small Miracle

We are still pregnant!
(that's the short version...)

the Long Version goes like this:

Fri. Dec. 10...BFP (big fat positive) on a pregnancy test! After months of trying, I had finally decided to trust God with the timing and try not to obsess the timing of our family.   I told Wayne by giving him a christmas snowman family ornament (the kind that you personalize) with a mom, dad and three little snowmen. what! he said, are we pregnant? yup. so excited and so overwhelmed! (it's funny how fast you can switch from we're having a baby! to oh, we need a mini-van, wayne will need to save up his vacation time, I'll have to get some newborn and small diapers, etc.) We had decided to wait until Feb. to tell family...two of the last four christmas's have had baby announcments, so we didn't want them to expect anything.

Wed. Dec. 15...I was giving the kids a bath, when I suddenly realized I was cramping pretty bad. I went to the ER that evening with lots of bleeding and cramps. the ultrasound didn't turn up anything definitive (which was kind of to be expected because we were only about 5 weeks long). Still, all my symptoms indicated a pending miscarriage. I have had one before, and this felt so similar, that I had no doubt in my mind that we were losing the baby. I even lost some rather large clots, again indicating a miscarriage. I went home and was told to come back in a couple days to do some blood work to confirm the pregnancy hormone (called hcg) numbers were going down appropriately. The paperwork I was given gave a diagnose of “Miscarriage Threatened”, but the doctor in the ER said it did not seem that this little baby was going to make it. I knew it was over, it was so like my first miscarriage, I had no doubts in my mind.

Thurs. Dec. 16...By morning my bleeding had nearly stopped, so it seemed that I was still retaining some "products of pregnancy" (love the medical terms, they are so cold). I talked with the doctor and he mentioned the possibility of needing a d&c if my body didn't expell everything naturally.

Fri. Dec. 17...Go in for my poor veins didn't want to cooperate, so after getting gabbed in both arms, I finally had a finger prick to get some blood. I felt so light headed; I don't do blood or needles well. I heard back later in the hcg levels in the ER on Wed. had been at 3,300ish and my numbers today were 3,500ish...strangely up, but not the doubled numbers it should have been.  Again, signaling a non-viable pregnancy.

Still, I was so confused. Why did my numbers go up? I reasoned maybe since my body was holding on to "pregnancy products" that maybe my numbers kept rising ever so slightly. I again asked about d&c, I didn't need one after my first miscarriage so I was not familiar with the process or how long we could try to wait for my body to figure it out naturally. I was told waiting over the weekend and for a little while would be ok.

I was to go in again on Monday for more blood work. Somewhere in the back of my desperate mind I had been thinking, maybe we were going to have twins and we lost one so the number going up is reflecting pregnancy, but the smaller up is the equaling out between twins. I obviously have no medical background, but I was so confused about the numbers. The funny part was that my doctor, without my mentioning it, brought up the twins thing also, but he also mentioned that in his 20+ years, he had only seen that twice. So, I had to go into the weekend wondering what was going on, but still figured I had miscarried and that I would have to deal with waiting for my body to figure out what had happened and to regulate itself for a while.

Mon. Dec. 20...Went in for blood work; this time we hit a vein right away, thank goodness. I was told that if I didn't hear back from the office by 4, to give a call. I finally had a moment to call, but got an answering service saying that calls made after 4:30 would be answered the following day! DAH! It was 4:29 when I called. Thankfully, a nurse got back to me a little later.

"Your number is 8,000something, which is the kind of number we like to see at this stage of pregnancy; doubling every 2-3 days. The doctor would like you to come in on Wed. so we can do another blood test just to confirm and have an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat."

A what!?! I was thinking, do these people have access to my full chart!?! I’ve had a miscarriage! Err, haven’t I?

“what is going on” I asked, “I thought we had a miscarriage.” Basically, I needed to come in so we could do some more investigation. We told family, whom we had told last Wednesday that we had miscarried, that maybe there was something after all and to please pray. I spent the evening in shock and tried to tell myself not to get too hopeful…that sounds aweful, but I wanted to be happily surprised, not broken down again. I told my husband I was pessimistically optimistic.

“The scheduling department will call you tomorrow to set up appointments for Wed.”

Tues. Dec. 21…There was no way I was going to make it until Wed. to find out what was going on, and Wayne had the day off, so we asked if there were any openings for UltraSound today. After a bit of checking around, we got an appointment at 12:30. Family was a little too far away, and it was too short of notice to ask church friends to watch kiddos, so we all went.

I get on the bed, and the ultrasound begins. The monitor was turned to face the tech., since she would be looking for ridiculously small stuff, I’m sure she needed to concentrate/have easy access to the screen. Wayne hovered over her shoulder, and I kind of gave him a pleading stare down…do you see anything? He nodded. Baby? Again, a nod. Heartbeat? Yes

I was shocked. I finally asked the tech if there was anything in there. Yes! After a few more minutes, she had finished her measurements and swung the screen around. I had decided last Wed., when I saw nothing on the screen, that seeing a little heartbeat and baby on a monitor is probably the best sight in the world during pregnancy. I was right. Baby is little more than a blob with a heartbeat, but it is our blob and we love it to pieces.

I forget the term she used, but the nurse thought that maybe all the bleeding and cramping last Wed. had been from a blood blister formed during implantation that had released.

Whatever the reason for all that bleeding, we have a baby again. 

We have an estimated due date of Aug. 17, 2011.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

the God of all comfort

Sorry for the break in posts...I don't know where the time is getting to.

Because I know you all care for our family, I wanted to share with you and ask for your prayers. 

I had another miscarriage this past Wednesday.  We were only about 5 weeks along.  I had just found out a few days before, but was already super excited and dreaming of feeling the kicks and prods I would feel from the inside.  I had already begun making mental lists of all the things I would have to do.
It's amazing how we can know someone for so short a time, yet be completely in love.
I miss you baby.

The next day while listening to our local christian station, I heard the "Q Verse of the Day", 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, and knew I had all I needed,  The God of All Comfort, and that this time would serve a purpose, to comfort others with the same comfort God has given me.

Jesus is my comfort.

be to the
God and Father
of our Lord
Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I've got my verse, and my song...
We sang this song a lot in college and I always really liked it.