sydney's sidewalk drawing...elijah, sydney, daddy, mommy, kezia

Thursday, April 19, 2012

ob la di, ob la da

Life goes on.

That statement is true...of everyone else around you.  When one goes through hard times, it can come as a shock that other's lives still continue on and do not seem to be affected by our hurt, sorrow or loss. 

It can make it difficult to "get back to life" since everyone else around you is now suddenly in a different place than you are.  You've experienced things they never have, you've felt things they may never understand.*  They've continued on...meanwhile it feels as if your life was paused. It makes staying "paused" feel very tempting and easier.
*by this I mean that everyone experiences and processes things differently. an example from my life would be that many women have had miscarriages, but when we lost Corey, that was the first time I had ever lost a child. And if we had lost Kezia, like it seemed was happening, that would have been the first time I ever lost her. Having it happen more often, or knowing that it has happened to many others, does not necessarily lessen the pain.
I was thinking the other day about how life just keeps rolling on, with or without me it seems sometimes.  You can get to feeling like no one knows the whole story, no one understands.  It starts to spiral out of control and it can feel very lonely.

Then I was reminded of these two guys.  They were talking a walk and discussing recent events that had greatly affected their lives.  Another man comes along, sees them deep in discussion and asks them what they are talking about.  They were so shocked, they stopped walking.  They basically ask him how could he NOT know what is going on.  In this case, nearly everyone in their town knew about the events these men were discussing. 
"Are you the only visitor to town?  The only one who does not know the things that have happened these past few days?"
"What things?" came the reply from the stranger.
"The things concerning Jesus from Nazareth!"
Many of you may be familiar with this event, often refered to as The Road to Emmaus, found in Luke 24:13 and following.  This happened on Easter Sunday.  The two men were followers of Jesus, and they were discussing the apparent tragety of the death of their teacher, whom they considered a great prophet and had hoped would be the Messiah who would redeem Israel.  Infact, the man who had come along side them was Jesus himself, resurrected from the dead, but he kept himself from being recognised by them.  The conversation continued with Jesus talking with the two men and explain to them all of scripture regarding himself.  Only later on does he reveal himself to them, their risen Messiah.
These poor men.  They're world had come crashing down around them.  In their explaination of what had happened (vs. 19-24), I always imagine their voices being filled with memories of hope mixed with confusion and doubt.  I wonder if they felt like I have, as if no one really understands what they are feeling or experiencing. 

boy, these "ramblings" always end up longer than I originally plan.  anyway, in all of a few minutes I processed through some the above and began thinking about the irony of these men talking to the "one stranger in town" who knew nothing of what had been going on in their recent lives.  But, the reality was, they were talking to the one person who knew completely what these men were going through and thinking.  In fact, he knew the WHOLE story, things they had no way of knowing or fully comprehending. 

I was reminded of the importance of going to the one who knows the whole story and how it is all working out for His glory.

And so my story continues.  In general, the depression and anxiety are getting a little better; I no longer feel like I am spiraling out of control.  
I've been reading some beautiful verses from the Psalms lately as well.  of course, I don't have my notebook here with me at the moment, but God has really been using some beautiful poetry to remind me of His glory, faithfulness, and sovereignty.  Maybe I'll post some of those soon.

In the meanwhile, if you made it through this, you get the good blog reader award.  :)