sydney's sidewalk drawing...elijah, sydney, daddy, mommy, kezia

Friday, December 20, 2013

a bit of a fall update

My poor neglected blog. 
Well, a quick summery...
Sydney turned 6, Kezia turned 2, and Elijah is now 4.
Trying to take pictures of these crazy monkey kids is nuts.  I took probably 50+ pictures, and this was the only good picture.
Sydney decided she was done. 
Elijah tried to be cute and give Kezia hug
...she didn't really go for it.

 And then they were both mad.
Sydney is in first grade and she is doing pretty good.
Elijah is in 4K. Wednesdays are his favorite because he has swimming lessons.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

identity theft

One of the things I struggle with is remembering my identity in Christ(this is a link to Freedom in Christ ministries, specifically their "Who I am in Christ" verses.  These are AMAZING by the way.  A very neat ministry and a great set of verses focusing in on three common areas where people struggle.  "I am accpeted, I am secure and I am significant.")
While not literal voices, I definitely have a running track in my head.  Unfortunately, I've allowed it to record junk, so what I hear are things like "failure," "disappointment," "just give up," and "I hate my life."   I often said that (I hate my life) to myself on the hard days.  Even on not so hard days, if I were to be honest. 
I'm finding myself having to work crazy hard and intentional to stop those thoughts when they come along.  I've let them just run so wild and free in my head, that they just pop to the front with very little effort on my part. 
Elijah starts to scream (for the bazillionth time in the last 5 minutes)..."ugh, I hate my life."  Sydney and Elijah get into yet another fight..."grr, I hate my life."  The laundry is still wet after being in the dryer..."dangitall, I hate my life." 
Ridiculous to be that mad over laundry?  That's the point.  I let it go for so long, it's just everywhere all the time ready to tell me lies. 
So, one remedy has been to read the identity verses and listen to Hello my name is, by Matthew West.  The chorus of this song is "Hello, my name is Child of the One True King."  Man, when you really stop to think about that, how can you let words like "failure" and "disappointment" linger!  (actually, yes i do know how. but that is a whole other post). 
Another fun song for me lately has been  We Shine, by Stellar Kart.  It also talks about who we are in Christ (redeemed, free, belonging to Jesus, alive, meant to shine in the world).  And the best part about that is that, then, we get to sing for God, speak with words of love, dance a little wild, becase we belong to JESUS!  We are his possession. (Titus 2:14) (this came on in the car the other day, and Elijah was head banging awesome.)

So, I'm reclaiming my identity. 
Hello, my name is child of the One True can call me Naomi for short.

Monday, May 27, 2013

why the color purple

So, I recently dyed a chunk of my hair purple.  Like, really and purposefully purple.
(it is so much fun, I absolutely love it.  It's a large chunk at the top, but depending on how I comb the part, it came seem like just highlights [top pic] or a huge purple head of hair! [bottom pic].)

I've gotten a lot of positive response, some stunned "wow, that's...neat?" and some "is it permanent?"
A lot of times, the underlying question is, why?
Why? Why not!
I can't say the depression is completely beat, never to be seen again.  I can't say all my problems are gone. 
BUT, I've had so much freedom these last few weeks.  I was able to get some wonderful counseling from an amazing christian counselor in Manitowoc (if you are in the area and need to work through some things, I know who you should call!).  I can't even begin to explain it all.  I was finally able to pin down some of the underlying problems in my life. 
Shame was the big one.  It's like a fog that seeps into every crevice in my life, just permeating everything.  A lot of pain from the past was made even worse from the shame I felt over it.  Shame over letting it consume me still, shame over "letting it happen" in the first place, shame what others might think if they knew the struggles I was still wrestling with.  And even shame that my problems were not "big" problems. 
Shame has kept me from really living my life in recent years.  I remember liking myself for being odd and a bit weird.  I haven't felt like that for a long time.  But I'm starting to again. 
And part of that, for me, has been to get me some purple hair.  It's been something on my mind for a while, and I finally took the plunge...just because I can.  It's a reminder for myself to not be so concerned about what others may or may not be thinking of me. 
It's a reminder for me to listen to the one who made me and loves me. 

Some verses that have been speaking to me lately.

Colossians 1:13-14 and Ephesians 1:3-8

Friday, April 5, 2013

photo bomb....a lot of months in review

First day of 3 year old preschool (he loves it)
Sydney's first day of Kindergarten
 Went for a walk last fall, found an intersection where someone had "eye-bombed" a cross walk button.  pretty awesome I think.
 Realized I don't have any pictures of Wayne at his job, so there he is.
Sydney stole my camera soooo many times this past year....this seems to be a favorite angle.  she ended up getting her own camera for christmas.
Sydney is a Sparkie at AWANA
Elijah took a tumble into the metal radiator...he lost.  this was last fall, he still has a scar.
sisterly love
kezia hanging out at subway...we love straws
 trying out big brother's spiderman costume
a very failed photo session for her 18m pics.
sydney's winter concert.
mommy, elijah and kezia having fun
I did some sewing...
elijah drew a monster with 7 legs, he was so proud
 winter time waiting for the bus


The blog has really fallen by the wayside...nearly a year since my last post.  In that time, a lot has happened.  Sydney is in kindergarten, Elijah is in a 3 year old preschool, Kezia's favorite phrase is "MINE!"  Wayne has begun teaching Trinity U, a discipleship/training course he has been working to put into place for the past few years.
As for me, it's been a roller coaster.  On the off chance anyone thinks otherwise, depression stinks.  (I know everyone knows that, it's called sarcasism.) :)  I think one of the things that makes it hard to cope with is that, on the exterior, everythingappears fine.  You don't get a cast, or bandages or technicolored polka-dot rashes (if you have a technicolored polka dot rash, see a doctor, that sounds serious).  I've mentioned it before, but life just goes on
But I'm not here to talk about that.
I've been going to counseling with an amazing christian counselor.  We recently talked about the Who I Am In Christ verses.  I saw that I need to really hammer home the truth that I am complete in Christ, Colossians 2:9-10.  These verses also talk about how Christ is the head.
I got to thinking in how whenever I try to live life on my own (very often), I'm really just acting like a zombie.
(as a side note, I have no idea why zombie stuff is so popular right now, but I find it disturbing.)
Then, having read Colosssians 2:10, I saw that I was not just a zombie, I was a headless zombie.  I like to think everything is fine, but I'm bumping into walls and crashing around life.
I told wayne about the picture in my mind of living without Christ as the head being like a headless zombie crashing into things.
He said to me, "why are you walking have no head."
Not sure why it is we think we even are capable of moving if we don't have a head!  Seriously.  Do we really think ourselves so capable that we can survive without a head.  I hope you are following along.  Several times in scripture, Christ is called the head of the body. 
 I'm thinking the best we got (when we try to live our life without Jesus as the head) is a foot twitch.
And somehow we convince ourselves that that twitch is life. 
Not so.
I'm only complete when Christ is the Head in my life.  And if He is the head, boy will my life just be so much better.  Not necessarily easier, but better.  I can't think of the last time my hand has second-guessed a message the head sent it.  If only complete surrender and submissionn to Jesus as head were so easy.