sydney's sidewalk drawing...elijah, sydney, daddy, mommy, kezia

Monday, May 27, 2013

why the color purple

So, I recently dyed a chunk of my hair purple.  Like, really and purposefully purple.
(it is so much fun, I absolutely love it.  It's a large chunk at the top, but depending on how I comb the part, it came seem like just highlights [top pic] or a huge purple head of hair! [bottom pic].)

I've gotten a lot of positive response, some stunned "wow, that's...neat?" and some "is it permanent?"
A lot of times, the underlying question is, why?
Why? Why not!
I can't say the depression is completely beat, never to be seen again.  I can't say all my problems are gone. 
BUT, I've had so much freedom these last few weeks.  I was able to get some wonderful counseling from an amazing christian counselor in Manitowoc (if you are in the area and need to work through some things, I know who you should call!).  I can't even begin to explain it all.  I was finally able to pin down some of the underlying problems in my life. 
Shame was the big one.  It's like a fog that seeps into every crevice in my life, just permeating everything.  A lot of pain from the past was made even worse from the shame I felt over it.  Shame over letting it consume me still, shame over "letting it happen" in the first place, shame what others might think if they knew the struggles I was still wrestling with.  And even shame that my problems were not "big" problems. 
Shame has kept me from really living my life in recent years.  I remember liking myself for being odd and a bit weird.  I haven't felt like that for a long time.  But I'm starting to again. 
And part of that, for me, has been to get me some purple hair.  It's been something on my mind for a while, and I finally took the plunge...just because I can.  It's a reminder for myself to not be so concerned about what others may or may not be thinking of me. 
It's a reminder for me to listen to the one who made me and loves me. 

Some verses that have been speaking to me lately.

Colossians 1:13-14 and Ephesians 1:3-8