sydney's sidewalk drawing...elijah, sydney, daddy, mommy, kezia

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

some reasons

my kids…in all honesty, some of the reasons for my anxiety.  and yet...the reason I want to change and make our life better.

moderate depressive episode.

I like the word episode as opposed to episodes…like a bad reality t.v. series with season after season of…episodes.

I was struggling really hard about 2 months ago. Like wanting to throw the laptop through the window, hard.

But, I am me. I can handle it. I don’t need help.

My version of handling it?  I nearly lost my voice one day from screaming so hard.

Frustration, embarrassment. Anxiety, denial. Anger, guilt.
And the ever popular Pride, destruction.
(oh, how I hate my pride, but that is another post for another time.)

It all came to a head about 7 weeks ago…and again 4 weeks ago.

Now, I’m getting some help. And it is getting better.

I’m sure there will be occasional reruns, but hopefully the 'episode' will fade from sight and I can get on with my own, real, seasons of life.