So, I recently dyed a chunk of my hair purple. Like, really and purposefully purple.
(it is so much fun, I absolutely love it. It's a large chunk at the top, but depending on how I comb the part, it came seem like just highlights [top pic] or a huge purple head of hair! [bottom pic].)
I've gotten a lot of positive response, some stunned "wow, that's...neat?" and some "is it permanent?"
A lot of times, the underlying question is, why?
Why? Why not!
I can't say the depression is completely beat, never to be seen again. I can't say all my problems are gone.
BUT, I've had so much freedom these last few weeks. I was able to get some wonderful counseling from an amazing christian counselor in Manitowoc (if you are in the area and need to work through some things, I know who you should call!). I can't even begin to explain it all. I was finally able to pin down some of the underlying problems in my life.
Shame was the big one. It's like a fog that seeps into every crevice in my life, just permeating everything. A lot of pain from the past was made even worse from the shame I felt over it. Shame over letting it consume me still, shame over "letting it happen" in the first place, shame what others might think if they knew the struggles I was still wrestling with. And even shame that my problems were not "big" problems.
Shame has kept me from really living my life in recent years. I remember liking myself for being odd and a bit weird. I haven't felt like that for a long time. But I'm starting to again.
And part of that, for me, has been to get me some purple hair. It's been something on my mind for a while, and I finally took the plunge...just because I can. It's a reminder for myself to not be so concerned about what others may or may not be thinking of me.
It's a reminder for me to listen to the one who made me and loves me.
Some verses that have been speaking to me lately.
Colossians 1:13-14 and Ephesians 1:3-8